“consider the ducks” 🥀

 

🥀 o, this feeling, this feeling ~ going catatonic at times these past few years with the immeasurable weight of everything ~ i’ve often felt so delayed, so late to so much of life, & just when my wings unfurl, lourings fill the horizon… i’ve had to burrow deep into our father’s heart, find bedrock & peace there/ i have to learn it over & over again, but he’s there, every time. each time the world shakes like it’s dying, when everything feels unbearably heavy, i feel my heart pulled over & over again to “consider the ducks” ~ when everyone is angry & full of turmoil, the ducks out on my wee lake are serene & contented, going about their day, their lives, as ducks have done for centuries innumerable ~ in watching them, my heart whispers, “if they can trust their maker with their days, cannot you yours?” ~ a bit silly, perhaps, but it feels like a lifeline every time/ 

many think i love history for escapism ~ that i just wished i lived back then ~ but i actually love it for it’s familiarity ~ hearts are the same, joys & troubles too ~ the world never stops trembling for more than a moment or two together, & yet they lived & loved & were held in his loving hand ~ if god brought them through it, he will bring us through 🕊️

i hear so much perturbation  everywhere in the christian community ~ a frenzy that almost feels sometimes like worship of alarm, of the disquiet it causes ~ i’ve felt such a pull the last few years to step away from addiction to such voices ~ not that troubles will not come, jesus said, “in this world you will have trouble, but fear not, i have overcome the world” ~ also, “for god has not given us a spirit of fear, but of love, power, & a sound mind” ~ the world is sick & aching & groaning, it will never be kumbaya until all is set right, but until that day, what are we called to be, to do in the midst of it?

i feel so strongly that this is his heart for his children while the world’s afire, to hold fast to him & his goodness & to be conduits of it ~ to be thankful in times of peace, & to rejoice in being his lights in times of darkness ~ when & if these forebodings come to pass, which they might, god knows, the world more than ever will crave ~ will need the beauty & hope & joy that is glimpsed in a soul settled in him, in our ability to look at the storm & trust there is another side, to not fall on our swords “as those who have no hope”, but to love from the depths of our beings with the love that comes from him, a love that delights in all things pure, lovely, & of good report/  i’m trying so hard to inch towards these things, to speak them over my soul ~ i feel strong in it one day, quaver in it the next… o, for words of gratitude for the tenderness infinite in his love for us, that his grace & mercy aren’t dependent on our understanding or our feelings, they just are & they are good… 

{from a conversation this past week with my beloved kerrie ~ thank you, m'dear one, for your ever support & love, for strengthening my wings ~ i love you}

reflections: week 4

 🥀 the last full week of my twenties ~ the ripening years have given gifts i’d have little fathomed a decade ago ~the eyes to see my nature in a honeyed light, the pearls of calm & rest, the understanding that value doesn’t always come from ceaseless effort but rather surrender/ i am grateful for the passing years, the whittling & polishing they have been ~ i have often heard the twenties described as the best years of your life ~ i think rather than culmination, these years were the fallowing of the ground ~ it is soft now, burgeoning, ready for the roses of tomorrow…

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moments: ~hazy picnics with dearest friends ~ decorating my little patio garden with bits of broken china & glass bowl mushrooms ~birthday plannin’ & dreamin’ ~reading ~home apothecary brewing ~garden rose lemonade ~chocolate peanut butter waffles ~sunset patio dates 

book: “the other bennet sister” by janice hadlow ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

  i am not easily satisfied by an austen continuation or variation, i have read many, but i can confidently say this is the best i have ever read! following the story of mary bennet, before, during, & after the events of p&p, it makes you re-examine prejudices you might not be aware you had, while crafting a delightful story, devastating & charming by turns. it is not flawless, but it is remarkably close for a contemporary work. it pays homage to austen’s style & characters, as well as history & context, without completely abiding within the rules of them. a careful austen reader might notice a few changes or errors, but not enough to detract from the pleasantness & satisfaction of the story & characters.

reflections: week 3

🥀 a week with fewer pauses than the earth in its spinning ~ but a week full, full, full of beauty/a week of framing my days, literally & figuratively/ less than two weeks till my 30th & my world is periwinkle & gold…

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moments: ~making impromptu patio curtains of shabby chic sheets ~ever gardening ~sending penpal emails ~weaving a summer bucket list ~finally putting up my gallery wall ~dyeing my underthings rosewater & sewing ribbon roses on them ~deep deep deep belated spring tidying ~thrifting “set the stars alight” by amanda dykes, “a romance of baking”, & rosy vtg tapers

song on repeat: “waking up slow ~ piano” by gabrielle alpin & ragtime vinyl records

reflections: week 2

🥀 romantify ~ a new minted word floating about our nest this week/

not romanticize ~ while lovely, romanticize carries a tang of embellishment, of perhaps pretending something is different ~ better than it truly is/

romantify is a stream running forward ~ tis something that lies in your hands ~ for not everything is beautiful, not everything can be, but rosebud moments can be cultivated almost anywhere/

it is akin to contentment, or perhaps a path towards it/ if perfection were necessary for contentment, we would never find it ~ but if we can yield to the flavors of a sunset, if we can nurture our bodies rather than deprive them, if we take small steps to surround ourselves with the colors of joy, if we endeavor to adorn everything & everyone we touch with love, i think we’ll get nearer contentment than we ever thought possible…

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moments: ~seeing “mr. malcom’s list” with dear friends ~ art nouveau/pre~raphaelite photoshoot with my dear, lovely friend winter ~more weeding ~arranging garden roses ~trying to go through the nearly 17,000 pictures on my phone {send help} ~homemade sourdough pizza ~picking garden strawberries ~getting my own first baby plants for the patio, english lavender & a miniature rose 🥀 

film: “mr. malcom’s list” ⭐️⭐️⭐️

 pretty & amusing, though occasionally jarring in regard to pacing & acting, this by no means brilliant piece is still worth a watch with a cup of tea ☕️